Should I search?, Discussion about the process of preparing to search for biological rel Options

[Deborah]

Today is Birthmothers Day at The Cradle.

I wish to thank my wonderful and Honorable First Mother, her family, and even the Doctor, for doing whatever was necessary
to ensure that I would never become an orphan or "unadoptable child" of the 1960's.

Thank you for pretending that you couldn't speak English, so that 'someone else" could talk my way into placement through The Cradle.
Thank you for doing, and saying, whatever was necessary to care for me, and meet my needs, during the first five months of my life.
Thank you for making parents of the two childless people that raised me as their own real daughter.
You have always been the "Kyria" in my life, and theirs.

Thank you for bringing me into this world on the exact day, and in the exact place that God intended.
I'm sorry that you suffered that day.
If the circumstances had been any less horrible, you would be a smaller Saint when you get to Heaven.
Of course it's a secret, but there is no shame. You need no forgiveness, and you owe me no explanation.
I owe my life, the lives of my children, and grandchild to You. Thank you.

My strength, my virtues, and my goodness are from your bloodline and my parents teachings.
My mistakes, faults, and shortcomings belong only to me. They are mine to learn from in this world.
Thank you for giving me the best possible start,and everything else that I have I needed, in this life.
My parents loved and cared for me, as only You and they could have done.
We always remembered you at the beginning of our prayers.

Almost 30 years ago, I became tangled in a search for you that ended in a hurtful disaster for both of us because The Cradle wasn't involved.
I have never given up the hope of knowing you.

Here and now, You and Your well-being is all that really matters.
I wish You peaceful sleep and happy dreams. I wish you a very a long, happy and healthy life.
I wish you prosperity,and abundance. I wish every good and perfect thing for you, your husband, your children, and your grandchildren.
I wish, and pray, that your lives will be everything that each of you want and need them to be.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow as I celebrate Mother's Day with my children and grandchild.

I love You,
Debbie

[nataliav]

Its always good to have the answers, even if sometimes they are not what we expected... as long as you have the opportunity you should search and find the answers you are looking for. I hope you find what you're looking for. good luck!

[kimmie]

Well, if you really really want to then go ahead. We always have second thoughts about it but go for it while you can.

[shayla]

thanks Nina,
I told my Aunt that she needs to call and talk to the post adoption service people, i also told her I would help her pay for any of the services, Thanks again for your response, shayla

[ninapostadoption...]

Hi Shayla,
I am responding to your post regarding your aunt. Sorry to hear she is not doing well. I wanted to let you know that we offer search services. A full description can be found on The Cradle Website or we are happy to send the information out in the mail. Because of confidentiality, your aunt has to be the requestor of services, but you can help her complete the required paperwork and she can designate you as her contact. I hope this is helpful. How wonderful that she has you to help her in trying to connect with her son. Feel free to contact me directly, or have your aunt contact me, at 847-733-2295 with any further questions.
Nina Friedman
Post Adoption Counselor

[shayla]

Hi, I am looking for a male that was adopted from the Cradle, I am trying to help my sick great aunt shes not doing very well and her dying wish is to meet her son she gave up so long ago...please someone help me!!

[ninapostadoption...]

Hi Cindy,
Becoming a part of our Registry is a start, but we do offer outreach services when there is no registry match if there is a desire to take a more active role in making contact with birth family. We are able to provide non-identifying social/medical information about your birth family. All of the post adoption services as well as how they can be requested are listed on our website. Why don't you contact me when you have a chance so that we can discuss some next steps and talk about your specific situation since I don't know exactly what has or has not been done already. I can be reached at 847-448-8775 or nfriedman@cradle.org.
Nina Friedman
Post Adoption Counselor

[cindrew81]

Hi my name is Cindy. I filled out a bunch of paperwork probably a few years ago trying to find anything that would help me connect with my birthmother. I got a letter saying that my birthmother hadnt registered so there was nothing I could do. How do I go about getting information about my birth parents? I want to know medical history, nationality....ect

[ninapostadoption...]

Hi Paul,
I know you spoke with Marie Chalmers about the services we offer, but I wanted to post a reply for others who are interested. We offer a variety of post adoption services and a full description can be found on The Cradle Website, or we are happy to send the information out in the mail. To highlight a few, we offer a non-identifying medical and social background report which is a report that consists of all of the non-identifying information from the birth parent records. If there is any indication in the records that the birth parent(s) was interested in future contact. or if we heard from the birth parent(s) since placement, that would be included in the report. We also offer services to connect birth family members through our mutual consent registry or our search services. I hope this information is helpful.
Nina Friedman
Post Adoption Counselor

[PaulB]

I am writing this because my dearest friend and companion whom I love dearly would like to know some things about her mother who gave her up for adoption in 1953. Her parents who adopted her from the cradle, are now both deceased. She has enjoyed a good life and was well taken care of by her parents. We are both aware of the policies about disclosure that the Cradle has.

Her main goal is to at least get a medical history of her birth mother. Is there any way that this is possible?

Her secondary goal would be that since so many years have passed, is there a way to find out if her birth mother would have any desire to know her now if she is still alive of course?

It is my dream that I can somehow be helpful to her in this matter.

Your assistance would be most appreciated.

As I have nothing to hide I will give you my contact information.

Paul S. Bandurski
324 Juniper Circle
Streamwood, IL 60107
630-540-2650

[jenn@cradle.org]

"Should I search?"

This is a question that crosses the mind of so many adopted persons, as well as birthparents, when thinking about the possibility of starting a search for biological relatives. There are so many questions and concerns about starting the search process, and excitement and hope too. Here's a place to discuss both the active process of searching, as well as the process of thinking it through.

Share your thoughts, and your own experiences here! If you have questions for the post-adoption services staff, ask away, and we'll see that your questions are answered!