Deep-seated attachment issues? Options

[hopeful2]

Hello everyone, I am new here and desperately looking for help. My daughter has recently begun to display attachment issues. She is 4.5 years and has been home for three. Last week, when I was angry with her, she said, "Mommy don't sell me." She is convinced I threatened to do that (of course I did not) but this was the most verbal display of what I see as some serious attachment issues. Apparently someone in her afterschool care program (she goes to a formal preschool program) told her that parents who don't want their kids place them in after care. She didn't tell me that, she told the mother of a friend. She has also become highly aggressive with me. I am not sure the two are connected, but what do I know.

Does anyone have some advice, or can anyone recommend a therapist for us?

10Flights, One thing that crossed my mind when reading what your daughter said was that it is related to something someone told her about what they think happens in adoption. Her "don't sell me" comment leads me to believe that someone told her that adoption agencies get money from adoptive parents and it goes to the birthparents (buying). I've heard similar ridiculous explanations from adults and it turns my stomach that they believe this happens.

Could someone (child or adult) have told your daughter this and that's why she is afraid you will "sell her"? Or give her away?

Does your daughter know she is adopted? She may not totally understand at that age and maybe talk with her and gently explain the basics that she needs to know about adoption. Sometimes children need a short explanation without too many details and they feel better.

I hope some of my suggestions help and everything gets straightened out with your daughter.

[raysmom]

If you gave us more information we could give you more specific help. Where you live? How did you adopt? private, foster care, international etc. "Metropolitan Family Services" has agencies through out the chicago land area and suburbs.

My son is 4 and a half yrs old. He also has attachment issues. I see Lisa C. Medanic M. S., L.C.P.C she is in Warrenville. Phone (630) 393-4019. e-mail lisamedanic@comcast.net

Hope this helps.

[kathleencradlepo...]

Thank you for posting on the forum. I think it is wonderful that you are seeking additional resources for your daughter and some support for yourself. Kay Holler is an adoptive therapist, as well as an adoptive parent. She is located in the city, so depending on your location you may want to consider contacting her. Another option would be Pediatric Psychology Associates, they are located in Oak Brook. They have a program called "Adopt-Adapt-Attach", as well as several therapists that have experience working with attachment issues and adoption. I would also recommend Deborah Gray's book "Attaching in Adoption". Here is a link to an hour long interview that Deborah Gray gave on the subject of Attachment for a radio show http://www.blogtalkradio.com/creatingafami...ing-in-Adoption . In the interview she discusses what is normal, what is worrisome behavior, what parents can do to help with attachment, and how to tell if your child is at risk.
You can also look at www.adoptionlearningpartners.org for online training courses. There is a class on the website called "The Journey of Attachment". The Cradle also offers post adoption workshops on a variety of topics, including attachment. Here is the link for our upcoming post adoption workshops: http://www.cradle.org/post_workshops.html. I hope you find some of these suggestions helpful. Please let us know if you feel you need any additional resources.

[10Flights]

Hello everyone, I am new here and desperately looking for help. My daughter has recently begun to display attachment issues. She is 4.5 years and has been home for three. Last week, when I was angry with her, she said, "Mommy don't sell me." She is convinced I threatened to do that (of course I did not) but this was the most verbal display of what I see as some serious attachment issues. Apparently someone in her afterschool care program (she goes to a formal preschool program) told her that parents who don't want their kids place them in after care. She didn't tell me that, she told the mother of a friend. She has also become highly aggressive with me. I am not sure the two are connected, but what do I know.

Does anyone have some advice, or can anyone recommend a therapist for us?