Jessica M's Adoption Story

Well, I was 18 years old, I was a freshman in college, I was going to Purdue University, and I was living the life of a typical 18-year-old at the time: very involved in the social life, in going to school, and I had just started a new relationship with my boyfriend at the time, and it was about a few months in that I found out that we were, that we had an unplanned pregnancy. I was torn, because I was so scared that part of me didn’t think that I’d be able to go through with the pregnancy, but my beliefs were different than that, my beliefs told me that I wouldn’t be able to choose an alternative option, such as abortion. So when I started to think about going through with the pregnancy, my initial thoughts were about parenting. I didn’t even really think about adoption, because my only understanding of adoption was what I had found to be pretty common, in that it’s closed adoption, I would be giving my child away and never seeing him again, which was just not acceptable for me, even early on.

So I didn’t really become educated until my mom kind of brought it up to me. She said, you know ‘Now it’s no longer about you. This decision is no longer about you, it’s about your child, and you really need to look into all your options, such as adoption.’ And she spoke of the Cradle, and I was really upset with her for bringing it up because, like I said, I was very uneducated and I could only think of, you know, what I thought in my mind of giving my child away. Um, but then she brought up the alternative of open adoption.

Immediately, my first reaction was ‘this is too good to be true, this is, you know, solves all of my concerns, and worries,’ and I was pretty sure at the time and pretty certain that I was going to go through with it. Even though I said early on I thought I was certain about it, you know, once you start to grow a connection with the child, it really changes things so it becomes a very emotional thing and it becomes a bigger struggle. So really the deciding factor was meeting the family.

I knew when, sitting with them, that they not only had in paper, but in person, were the family that I would be able to trust with him. I felt really, like, pretty definite that day that I was going to move forward, but it was, you know, it was bittersweet, like, you know, ‘Now I have to somehow deal with this and go through with this’ and I didn’t want to, personally, but I knew, you know, based on what was best that this would be the best alternative for him, so…I’ve grown.

It’s been such a central part of my growth, as a woman, as a young woman, and into young adults, it’s just really, it’s just changed me in a lot of ways spiritually and so forth but it’s been one of the greatest and best things in my life, because not only have I been able to witness benefits it’s given Ryan, my son, to see how happy he is and how he’s flourished in this environment, but I’ve also, I’ve built a family, they’re basically part of my family. It’s a different relationship, you know, it’s like, the lines are clear, there’s no, there’s boundaries there, and it’s by respect and trust that those are doing so well, because we agreed early on to certain things that we’ve respected, because of that we have an amazing relationship and we’re very close, it’s been great celebrating Ryan’s life together and watching him grow.