An Open Adoption Story

My story is, I got pregnant when I was ending my senior year of high school, so I was 18 at the time. And had been dating my previous boyfriend for a little over a year, and at that point I had no idea what I was going to do. I really, really wanted to parent, and unfortunately the relationship I had back with my boyfriend at the time was an abusive relationship, so I knew it that it wouldn’t be a good environment to bring a child into. And that pretty much ultimately led me to the decision to choose adoption.

I had looked into other agencies and met with people, and it didn’t feel right, I guess. And so then, talking to the Cradle, I had an absolutely, wonderful counselor here. For me I found that just going through, you have to go through a grieving process. It was explained to me after having Courtney that I would grieve like I had just had a baby who passed away, like that similar feelings because you have similar feelings of loss. So luckily I had talked to my counselor and she had spoke with me and met with me after the placement. So she helped me go through all those feelings, and actually dealt with it then instead of trying to forget.

Knowing that your child is happy and healthy is what makes it worth it. I have an open adoption so we have frequent communication. Usually we go to their house and pretty much play for hours and hours with her and then her sister and brother who are also adopted. What’s most rewarding is definitely on the visits and talking with her on the phone and seeing how happy she is. And she’s healthy, and she’s way smarter than any 3-and-a-half-year-old I’ve ever met, so she’s really flourishing and doing really well.

Now she’s on this kick where she doesn’t even call me my name. She just calls me, “Birth mom.” You can see her wheels are turning and trying to understand. Every time I visit she stares at me like where it’s kind of like, “I know you. I know you’re more than just this person who comes to my birthdays or visits so often.” Like you can tell she—I don’t know. At least it feels like she knows who I am on a deeper level, but her siblings have asked me questions before or just made comments when I had visited when I was pregnant, they said, “That’s my sister in your belly,” and things like that. All three of them are really trying to understand adoption. They’re still so young, but I’m sure I’ll get a bunch of questions when she grows up.

There may be a time that she’s angry, and she doesn’t understand or says, “Why didn’t you want me or did you not love me, did you—,” things like that. That’s always a worry, but I guess with having openness it’s kind of like a comfort that I’ll be able to explain things. I’ll be able to share her story, show her pictures, let her know exactly why I chose this. But at this point I know, I really don’t have any regrets, and I know I choose the right thing for her.