The Cradle Blog

Do You Want to Have a Baby? Or Do You Want to be a Mom?

Deciding to grow your family through adoption is not an easy decision. I should know; I made the decision nearly 10 years ago. In my work recruiting African-American families considering adoption, I see many continue to struggle with whether adoption is the right decision for them.

The thought of having a biological baby is something many of us long for. I remember my friends and I would say things like, “When I have a baby,” or “When I get pregnant.” We didn’t realize the implications behind the words we chose. We used those terms so loosely.

Some people are not able to let go of the idea of having a biological child. Understandably, it’s incredibly hard to let go of the notion that becoming a mother has to include giving birth. So we hope, we wait and we pray. We try again and again and again.

The sad reality is that some of us will never be able to have a baby or become pregnant. But that should never—and doesn’t have to—stop us from becoming mothers.

If you’re considering adoption, ask yourself: Do you want to have a baby? Or do you want to be a mom?

To learn more about The Sayers Center for African American Adoption, please contact me at