I want to plan an adoption, not "put my baby up for adoption.”

Sometimes it helps to talk to friends and family.

We know that telling your family and friends about your pregnancy may be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. And the longer you wait, the harder it may become. The Cradle is here to support you.

Our adoption counselors can help you prepare and be part of the conversation with your family and friends. As worried as you may be about their reaction, there are some important reasons why you may want to talk with family and friends about your pregnancy. Friends and family may be able to help you:  

  • think through your options
  • receive physical, emotional or financial support
  • obtain necessary medical care
  • prepare for birth

Before you talk with your family or friends, think carefully about what you want to say and how you want to say it.

We suggest the following tips:

Collect information on all of your options to show that you understand the seriousness of the situation and that you want to make an informed, thoughtful decision. The Cradle offers many resources on our website or feel free to contact us at any time for personal attention.

Jot down your feelings about your pregnancy, your future and the baby. Writing things down will help you sort out your feelings as well as be a handy reference during your talk.

If you’ve already shared your news with someone, consider having this person by your side during your talk. A support person can give you confidence and add a voice of reason to a difficult conversation.

Be prepared for any number of responses from your family and friends. Like you, their emotions may range from joy to sadness--and you already know that they’ll be surprised. Practice how you’ll react by talking with a Cradle counselor or trusted source first.

Consider talking to your parents, other family members or friends separately. Everyone will have a different reaction. As you begin to share your news, you will get used to different reactions and become more comfortable with your responses. And you’ll likely find more support along the way.

Throughout this time, the Cradle is here to support you.

Lisa's Family Reacts to Her Open Adoption Decision

Video Transcript

Lisa: I was 18-years-old, in college, Augustana college. And shortly after I started, I got pregnant. I made a phone call to my mom on my way to chemistry class that I was pregnant and she did not take it very well at all. And shortly after I got a call from both my parents. We were talking on the phone about what we needed to do about the situation. So we went back and forth and argued, and they obviously wanted me to choose some other options like parenting. That was pretty much the only other option, was to just parent.

My parents after I'm telling them I’m looking into adoption, they are not very comfortable with it. My extended family is really weary of all this. How can you give your kid to somebody else? We don’t do that. I’ll raise your baby, this that and the other. I got extended family being like well I’ll take, I’ll take him, I’ll take him - this that and the other. And I was like no, you’re not really set up for this either.

And I wasn’t really being supported by anyone through all of this, at the time. And I understand because nobody in our family had ever gone through this process. You get pregnant you either keep your child or you abort your baby. So this was like new waters for everybody. So that’s how they chose to react.

To be honest, it took, I would say, a good two years for everybody to be at ease and at peace with the decision. And it took some serious conversations and some yelling at, and some arguments, you know. But I know that they are okay with it now, definitely. But it took a couple of years for them to see that this was the best choice for John Miles. This is the best option for him. And I think that’s something that I had to continue to remind my family, I had to continue to tell myself. I would have loved to have kept him for myself for my own selfish reasons. This is my child, you know, he came from me. I would have loved to have raised him myself. But would he have had the life that he deserves? No, and I did not want anything less for him other than the life that he deserves. And so once my family was able to see that, then they were able to really appreciate and understand that this was a good decision. But it definitely did not happen throughout any of that process. It took some years.